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From the morning I am feeling very depressed. I don't know why I am feeling like that may be I know the reason. Inside my chest I am feeling something like hollow empty, feeling my breath is getting shut.  Mentally I am feeling very tired. I could not recognize my known things feeling very strange. all known persons are came out as a different look also I could not recognize them. I know all day I will feel like that but tomorrow again I will smile. A lot of food laying in from of me from a long time feeling hungry but not getting any approval from my mind to eat. Still my eyes covered with darkness of my dream. Still I can feel the voice of crying the sound of the crying is going through my ear hole and try to stop my heart beat. I am feeling very down my brain stopped working. This strange  feeling is slowly consumed me. I am feeling very helpless. ordinary talking also feeling bitter to me what I should to speak I am doing. everything is now out of my control of my mood. Books, Work-Books, Pen, Pencil all are looking at me with their strange eyes. To those are strange to me

আজ ঘুম থেকে উঠে মন টা খুব খারাপ লাগছে জানি কেন এমন মনে হচ্ছে। হয়তো বা আমি জানি আমি কেন মল খারাপ করছি। বুকের ভেতর তা কেমন শুন্য ফাপা মনে হচ্ছে। রাতের সেই অদ্ভুত স্বপ্ন গুল মনে হচ্ছে আমার শ্বাস রুদ্ধ করে দিচ্ছে। মানসিক ভাবে নিজেকে খুব ক্লান্ত লাগছে। আজ যেন সেই চেনা জিনিস গুল কে খুবই অচেনা লাগছে। চেনা মানুষ গুলও যেন এক ভিন্য ব্যাক্তি রুপে দেখা দিয়েছে। জানি আজ সারাদিন আমার কিছুই ভাল লাগবেনা কিন্তু কাল আবার আমি হাসব। সামনে খাবারের বাটিতা পরে রয়েছে অনেক সময় ধরে পেটে খিদে পেলেও মন যেন সায় দিচ্ছেনা। স্বপ্নের সেই ঘন অন্ধকার যেন এখনও আমার আঁখি দয় আচ্ছন্ন করে রেখেছে। এখনও স্পষ্ট সুনতে পারছি সেই কান্নার বানী যা আমার কর্ণ গহ্বর হতে প্রবেশ করে আমার হৃদয়ের স্পন্দন কে যেন রুদ্ধ করছে।  নিজেকে খুব ক্ষীণ মনে হছে মাথা টা কাজ করা বন্ধ করে দিয়েছে। এই বিস্ময় অনুভুতি যেন আমাকে গ্রাস করছে ধিরে ধিরে। নিজেকে খুব অসহায় মনে হচ্ছে। সাধারণ কথা গুলো কেমন অসহ্য মনে হচ্ছে। মেজাজ কে ঠিক আয়ত্তে রাখতে পারছিনা বাজে কথা বারিয়ে জাচ্ছে মুখ থেকে যা উচিত নয়। বই, খাতা, পেন, পেনসিল, কম্পিউটার সবই যেন অদ্ভুত দৃষ্টি তে আমার দিকে তাকিয়ে রয়েছে। সেই চেনা বস্তু গুলোও যেন আজ অচেনা।


 

Sleep and night (ঘুম ও রাত্রি)

-:একটি রাতের গল্পঃ-

হয়ত বা একদিন তুমি ঘুম থেকে আর উঠব না, আর তবে সেটা বড় কথা নয় কথা টা হল এটাই যে আগের রাতে যখন  তুমি ঘুমাতে গিয়েছিলাম তখন কি তুমি ভেবেছিলাম কাল সকাল আর তোমার জীবনে আসবে না? তোমার মনে কি ভাবনা এসেছিল কাল রাত? সত্যি! এটা সত্যি যে কনো কিছুই অবাস্তব নয় আমাদের এই জীবন। হয়তো বা আগের দিন রাতে যখন তুমি ঘুমাতে গিয়েছিলে তখন তুমি ভাবছিলে তার কথা ভিসন ভাবে যে  তোমার কোন প্রিয় মানুষটা । হা এটা সত্যি আমার যখন ঘুমাতে জাই তখন আমাদের মেনে পরে আমাদের প্রিয়জনের কথা বেসি মনে পরে যে প্রিয়জন টি যাকে তুমি আর কনো দিন ও ফিরে পাবে তোমার জীবনে। হয়তো বা সে তোমাকে ছেড়ে চলেগেছে অথবা এই পৃথিবী। হয়তো বা তুমি ভাবো এখন তুমি তার স্পর্শ অনুভব করতে পারো। তোমার যেন মনে হয় মস্তিকের সকল শীর উপশিরা ও কোষ গুলো যেন ক্ষণিকের জন্য কাজ করা বন্ধ করে দেয়। তুমি হয়ত ভাবছ তুমি ভুলি ই করেছিলে। তুমি চাইবে আরেকবার তাকে তোমার বুকে টেনে নিতে শেষবারের জন্য যদি এটাই হয় তোমার শেষ রাত। তুমি একদিন বলেছিলে কোনদিনও দেখতে চাওনা তাকে তবে আজ কেন এই বাসনা। হৃদ স্পন্দন যেন তারই নাম ধরে ডাকছে আজ। সেদিন যাকে তুমি দিয়েছিলে ফেলে আজ যেন মনেহয় সেই সব তোমার জীবনের সব কিছু তুমি হয়তো নিজেও বুঝতে পারনি কখন সে হয়ে উঠেছে তোমার প্রিয় ব্যাক্তিকিন্তু এখন অনেক দেরি হয়েগেছে তাকে ডাকলেও আসবেনা এটা জেনোও তোমার হৃদয় মানতে নারাজ।  এখন তুমি হয়তো ভাবছ তুমি খুব একা। তুমি জান তোমার ভুলের জন্য তুমিই দাই। তুমি হয়ত ভাবছ সেই দিনের কথা যখন প্রথম তুমি তাকে তোমার বুকে জরিয়ে ধরেছিলে। হেটে ছিলে তার হাত ধরে অনেক লম্বা পথ। মনেপরে তোমাদের স্বর্ণ মুহূর্তের কথা আজ তুমি তা ভেবে হেসে ওঠ নিজের মনে। মাঝে মাঝে তোমার পাশের বালিসের দিকে তাকিয়ে থাকো তোমার সিক্ত আঁখি দিয়ে। তোমার পাসের বালিস টাকে টেনে ধর তোমার বুকে আনুভব করতে চাও তার উস্ন ভালবাসা। হটাত তুমি বলে ওঠ নিজের মনে অজান্তের "আমি তোমায় ভাল বাসি " তার নামের সাথে।

-: English Translation:-

:-Story of a night :-

 

Maybe one night, when you go to sleep, you will not wake up next morning. But it is not the whole story. The real matter is, when you went to sleep last night, you never thought that you weren’t going to see the sun of the next morning — no morning would come to your life. What were you thinking about? 

It is true that nothing is impossible in this life. Maybe last night before going to sleep you were thinking about your loved ones who you loved very much. Yes, it is true we often think about our loved ones before going to sleep, especially about a person who is far away from us — either he left you or left this life. And you will never get him back in your life. Although you try to feel him in your heart, try to feel his touch by closing your eyes. Perhaps you may feel his touch. Then the feeling seems like all the veins and cells of your brain stopped working for a few moment. Perhaps you are thinking that you made a big mistake in your life. Now, again, you are thinking he was in your arms for the last time in your life. You told him that you never want to see him again, so why then this desire for him today. Now your heart is beating by saying his name. That day you threw him to the trash, feeling him unworthy, but now you are feeling that he is more precious to you. You did not realize when he was became precious to you, but now it is too late for — now he will never come after your repeated calling. But your heart does not want to accept that. Now you are feeling very lost and lonely. You know you are responsible for that. Now in your thoughts the moments of the past will try to teach you what you had with him. You are thinking about the first day when you met him and held him in your arms. You are thinking about the days when you walk a long distance holding his hands. By thinking of those golden moments you started laughing to yourself. Your wet eyes try to imagine looking at the pillow beside you — as if your loved ones is there beside you. You took the pillow in your arms and hug it very tight and try to imagine  he is in your arms. And try to feel the warmth of his love. Suddenly without your knowledge you started speaking repeatedly “I Love you” along with his name.

 

Life is a gift of god....

I don't know what I am going to write today. yes I am writing my blog after a very long  time. I was not is a good mental condition to write my blog. I can feel always god is  with me. but I am not meaning about the god what you believe I believe a good universal power what is leading ahead all of us. I was very negative with my life a yea ago but now realize that every thing will happen in your life in right time. just like you never could expect the cold weather in summer time. we all here in the world for do some work and have to prove every body that you are not worth less. every body have a special value. I know god send me to the world for some purpose every one here for some special purpose. we all have to find out the purpose why I am here what work is entitled for me. have to know yourself who you are really. still I am finding myself that what is the purpose of my life and who I am.

in January I left my job of school yes I am missing the job but although I was feeling that there was nothing to me to give them more. and there was no purpose for me to be continue my job. The atmosphere was not comfortable for me now. Soon I am going to step in my new way of life. the new world of my life. I know everything will be good for me and for others too. I never want to make sad any body any way but some time I hurt people but that was not my intention and please forgive me to whom I hurt. we think our next day or moment will go with a certain way but always could not match with our thinking and expectation. So if your expectation is not match you should have to be happy what you have or if you are not happy with that situation you should move on.  just think about yourself once some one  person used to most valuable for you but day by day without your knowledge he /she is going way fro you slowly and  one day when  you realize that you lost the person  your life forever then  you started feeling again how much was he/she valuable  for your life but it was too late. so my opinion is that you always should take care of that matter with great responsibility if you lose your loved one from your life you never could get back the same love from the person later. if you have some misunderstanding with your loved one try to be solve with mutual understanding and try to be honest always with your loved one. what love you got in your life it is a gift of the god. you should respect that.

we never should treat a person as per their wealth, colour or sexuality. We all made as per our won way like a red flower is red flower a white flower is white. Both have a different entity and different value and different unique existence. and they are beautiful as it is they are. yes I was not a good man but trying to be a good man and day by day I am feeling change in my life all is the bless of god and I am learning more and more everyday with my life. as long as we live we learn everyday with every incidence of life. and I learn from my life that never lose hope one day will come for to you and that day will be your day. but you have to identify that day of your life and you have to work hard to get success in your life success never come with only bless you must have to work hard and then the bless will work. try to respect others and then you will get respect return 100 times more. in my life I meet with different type of person and god was always with me and his bless was always with me and will be. yes I got my love of life and I am very happy with that. but no one have any right to question what I should do means what dictions I should take with my life this is only mine. I know my parent will not be happy with my next steps of my life but I have to live my life my way which way I am happy and I will be happy. I never want to be dishonest with them with my life I never want to say them life. ok bye for now today will write more soon when possible.  

 

Life like a flower....................

-:Be complete and help other to blossom. :-

Our life is not a just life its more than a life what we never thought. we have a lot to do in our life. we all know life is not easy we all have to go through lots of struggle like a buds what suffer a lot to become a flower. life is  so beautiful if you are thinking that you have no creativity you have no skill in you and have nothing to give to our society its not true. we all don't have same capability. we all are unique in our way. just try to come out from the stage of bud stage of your life and be a complete flower. just like a flower never think that what he will do and what he have to give to our society. he just grow from bud to flower and at last he got her Consequences of life. some flower make us happy with her great fragrant and some flowers are so beautiful as a baby. ever you look on a flower its just looks like a happy smelly face of baby and also you can compare a baby with a flower. Both baby and flower make us happy with their smile. If we will give up over hope at the bud stage so we will never could be flower. and the end of flower stage a flower give us fruits and seeds. with that seeds we can get a new tree and just one flower turn into thousands flower later on. just like us if we contribute us for our society and if we keep our hope until end of our life we can help other  blossom. can show them how to lead your life how to be creative in their way and not to be ashamed what you are . Just keep other happy with your inner beauty, knowledge and love.